it shouldn't happen but it happened

so yeah. i don't know whether i was drunk that time or what. i know i shouldn't have this feeling. super duper major shouldn't! but i cant help it. if i do, i would, but i cant. and i fight so that this feeling can be untrue, but it weren't. like, am i wrong ? am i wrong for having this feeling towards him ? i cant stuck like this anymore. this THING had bugging me for a few days for god sake ! i cant hide this feeling anymore. seriously i cant. im sure this time, its not a 5 minutes crush like before. i know it's different. seriously, am i wrong for having this love feeling towards my exBOYFRIEND friend ? i know it sounds super awkward. but yeah, this is the dilemma i've gone through.

we hang a lot lately. but not on purpose. we were like, teman kawan berdating and last last, i get caught by his dull eyes. i dont usually like this because i will never fall in love with a guy like him. for a certain reason. but who am i to bangggg the fate that has written in my life ? im a human too. seriously, everytime i look at him, im so breathless. and for the first time, i dont feel awkward when i talked to him. and i had a huge smile affixed at my face every single damn word we talked. and i haven't felt this for a long time.

but there are a bunch of problem. firstly, he is my exboyfriend friend. they were so close. and im afraid that if i being selfish, it will ruin their friendship. but if i dont stand up for myself, i would loss something that should be mine. and now, im so freakin confuse. i dont want to gamble away my future. and secondly, i was unsure that he had a same feeling towards me. you knowww, i cant force people to like me. yet again, he knows that im a exgirlfriend of his friend for almost two years. so he must been thinking about this like 1000x2 times even though he likes me.*example*

and now, im gonna stuck on this madness until i found a solution. for now, im gonna pretend like nothing happen even though my friends always make fun of us. so, insyaallah, i have a strength to control my feeling towards him. hopefully i wont ended heart broken like before. i know, some of you guys wondering who he was and some of you already know. so, let it be okay.

i have guts to write this because i know, he will never ever read it because he hasss no facebook and others sosial network. so, i think im save. i guess. hopefully. gosh. my life been turn upside down because of him. dammet !

can you be my one less lonely boy ?

seriously nadh banyak gila crush kat orang now, haha. sumpah mcm bodoh gila. no wonder i still not in relationship xD so yeaaah. sometime when i go to mall, i get a bit chicky bila nampak couples lalu lalang, haha. like, damn, even orang %^&*%%4 pun ada boyfriend, haha. no offense okay.

* i just keep wondering, am i wrong if i had a hug crush on my EXBOYFRIEND bestfriend ? like, tak salahkan ? aslong i dont get back with my ex, LOL :D

the best letter ever written

Dear Claire,

“What” and “If” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don’t know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it’s never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don’t know what a love like Juliet’s feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I’d like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.

All my love, Juliet.

TRUE LOVE DO EXIST

seriously i just watched a bunch of movies that prove true love do exist. so, here are some of the movies that i watched ALONE without friends nor boyfriend :)

l love the way you :

*the way you look at me

*the way you smile

*the way you blow your smoke

*the way you hold my hand

*the way you concentrate doing something

*the way you drive

*the way you call me 'sayang'

*the way you hug me

*the way you say iloveyou

*the way you eat

*the way you play sport

*the way you act

*the way you show me your love

*the way you care about me

*the way you respect my parents and siblings

*the way you laugh

*the way you walk

*the way you dress up

*the way you wait for me

SEM 2

finally holidayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys :D im freakin free for two weeks y'all. but sadly mama and baba are to busy to take us for vacation -..- plus, i have tuition laah. haih. LOL, seriously like macam tak sedar diri nak SPM oh, haha. so, i duduk rumah je laah :( soooo sad kan. eventhough my friends ask me to hang out, but, entah lah. money dont grow on trees right. lagi2 cuti macam ni. memang money-less lah kan. so, hmm, a few boys asked me for a date. haha, boys always be boys. but i dont think im going. qayyum said, if i dont like any of them, so dont go. so yeah, i wont go. btw, please please come to my house. we can hang out at my house :) paling bestttttt -..-

My idol

my dad. he is my hero. i looked up on him. high look up ! okay, my grandparents told me, my dad is the only malay student who get 5 a's in his UPSR in Muar. so, he get a chance to continue his menengah at Malay College Kuala Kangsar (MCKK). a famous school which i know, it is everyone dream school. but it is so sad i cant study there because its a boy school. demmit -.- actually my lil brother got a chance to study there, but he turn it down sebab baba cakap situ ada hantu. LOL, no wonder ammar taknak, HAHA. haih. and my dad, he used to play rugby. he is on a rugby team in MCKK. how cooooool is that right. superb :D and im so proud on him. btw, he is the only person who always stand up for me when i told my family that im maybe continue my form 6. you know why ? sebab dia pun ambil form 6. and i remember he used told me, dia cakap, orang taknak ambik form 6 sebab takut. so yeah. i love him so much. forever i will be his angel.