i try so hard not to fall for you,
i try to keep my head above the water,
but i went so down in the end,
i fell so deep that im still drowning,
with no way back to surface,
its killing me,
and i cant let it go,
i cant let you go,
i never wanted it to end,
but you did,
you did it with such force,
i felt my heart break in to more that just pieces,
it shattered completely in to dust,
i feel like i can never fall that deep again because of you,
but i know someday in the distance future,
when i know your heart does the same,
i now that day i will be happy again without you.

this is for all the rempitzzzzz. enjoy :)

nadiah nasir, thanks for this, haha. i laaaap you bebehh <3 muah muaah!

Why am i desperately searching,
for things uncertain,
have i not been convinced enough,
that the word is unkind,
what am i searching for,
that which i cannot find,
or maby i'm searching in the wrong direction ?
guide me through this labyrinth,
that confounds my feeble mind,
i'd rather be a puppet,
with no control about my life,
cos its easier that way isnt it ?
every choice is a mistake,
waiting to be made,
by those oblivious,
every chance is bluff,
--- let toss a coin
and bet our heart again,
love is gamble anyway,
no one truthful ever win,
love is cheap,
love is cheat....

im seventeeeeeen babaaaaeey

omgooooood, seriously i cant believe now im turning 17. shittt. i feel so old -___- i hate this feeling. hmm. this year maby not as perfect as last year. but still, i had a good time lepaking with my friends. like seriously im hagging with all boys. it just weird when im realize im the only girl, haha. but who cares ? im single and im allowed to do anything i want. thanks, ammar, mukhriz, kerol, FARIS, fahmi, farhan and khairul <3 you make my day turning so well todaaaay. loveyou :) and to my dear faris, today you being so nice to me. and you even sang me a song yang bercampur aduk tu, haha. i like it okayyyy :) thanks


and guys, please dont ever treat me like im so fucking old. and dont call me kakak. i hate it, haha. :) im maby 17 now, but im still young and fresh and aweks muda :D

Dear god

why cant i be happy just like everyone else ? am i dont deserve it ? or there is no happy ending in my dictionary ? sometimes i love to sit in my room doing stupid thing rather be in public and see all the couples walking around me. i know, that is not their fault. and i shouldnt be jealous. but im soooo mad. why cant god give me the same happy feelings too ? why must im the only one who drowning in tears ? im tired of all this. pretend to be happy but clearly im not. hiding my scars in sooo hard. i just cant move on like this. if only killing myself isnt a sin, i already did it. it just, i cant. im still a normal person. it just im so not lucky in love. if only i have one wish, i would say, 'dear god, please never let me fall in love with guy, i rather be alone then have a heart break'.

you dont deserve me.

you asked me for another chance and i give it to you. you know why ? because i still love you. i reject all the guys just for you. i give you so many time so that you dont do the same mistake. and i'll wait for you. you know why ? because we already promise that we will be together again. went you cry that day, i sangat2 terharu. because there is not even one person had cry for a girl like me :) and you even came to my house and propose me to be your girlfriend again. boy, on that day, i realize that you had change. where's your ego ? where's your high temper ? i dont see that in you anymore. and eventhough you had change, my love toward you never decrease. not even one percent. i'll wait for you just like you asked me to do. until i saw you with another girl today. you nak tau mcm mana i rasa ? sakit sangat sayang. sakit :) mana ayat. 'istillsayangyou, iloveyoumore, isayangyoubaby', mana ? haha :) you game i kaaan? you rasa puas kan baby ? see how stupid i am right ? this is the second time apis. second. congrats dear. you did it. you just make me look so stupid and have no pride anymore. and i admit im so wrong because open my heart again for you. i should think twice about this. you know what, no more after this apis. no more. biar laaaah i sedih tgk you dgn another girl rather then be back with you. cukup i sakit before this. cukup i jadi bodoh before this. cukup i jadi puppet you selama ni. cukup laah i nangis pasal benda bodoh ni. relation yang tak pernah ada happy ending.

you just a falling star

why must you show up again ? you know how hard for me to forget everything about you! and when i tried to erase it, suddenly you came back again. why must now ? just remember how hurt i am when you take a stupid decision to leave me. i almost killed myself! i dont even touch a single food for a damn couple weeks! because of who ? YOU ! all i do is for you! for a guy who never learn to understand me and my situation. you dont know how hard for me to pretend in front of my friends. everyday i have to wear a stupid fucking mask just to hide my pain. do you know how hurtful i am when i know that you already had a girlfriend ? seriously, i still love you. i really am. but i just cant accept whatchu had said to me. it hurt me sooo bad. i've cry all day long just for a guy like you. i hate you now but i cant deny that i still love you. you have seen me right ? see the panda eyes and the thin body ? that's the result of you leaving me. im sorry cos you wouldnt have the chance to see me die like you said that night. you, i really love you. and i would love if we give it another try. but i dont want it now. now, i have so many important things to do. if you love me, then, wait for me. i promise i will never let you down. if dont, then you free to walk away. i will never stop you. cos you know why, i am one in million.