Dear god

why cant i be happy just like everyone else ? am i dont deserve it ? or there is no happy ending in my dictionary ? sometimes i love to sit in my room doing stupid thing rather be in public and see all the couples walking around me. i know, that is not their fault. and i shouldnt be jealous. but im soooo mad. why cant god give me the same happy feelings too ? why must im the only one who drowning in tears ? im tired of all this. pretend to be happy but clearly im not. hiding my scars in sooo hard. i just cant move on like this. if only killing myself isnt a sin, i already did it. it just, i cant. im still a normal person. it just im so not lucky in love. if only i have one wish, i would say, 'dear god, please never let me fall in love with guy, i rather be alone then have a heart break'.