you aint cool like me

i am so cool liddat ! okay, so i dont need a friend that only have popularity but dont have a fucking brain. you know people now days.

one million reason

i can list like one million reason why i love you boy, but just in short, you are the only person that can make me happy. i dont know until when, but insyaallah, forever.

hopefully you'll never get tired or bored with my attitude. i tau kerja i asyik tumbuk, cubit you apa suma, but, you tahan je lah okay sayang, haha.

i remember the day yang you malu gila nak cakap ILOVEYOU dekat i, haha. lepas tu i merajuk. you cakap, okay sayang, ILOVEYOU :D hee, seriously sayang, the more you shy, the more cuter okay, haha. grr.

sayang, i dont really care what others say about you. i love you for who you are and for who i am when im with you.

you are my sweetheart. iloveyou sayang. i really do. <3, loves, nadh

holiday get away .

tok just called.

tok : kakngah, tok dah masukkan duit kat bank.

me : tok, buat apa ada duit kalau taktau nak buat apa dgn duit tu.

tok : eleeh, tu lah orang suruh balik taiping taknak.

me : kakngah tuition lah tok. sorry lah. nnti kakngah balik tau

tok : okay laah mcm tu.

seriously got money but didnt know what to do with it. ammar and mukhkiss pergi taiping for holiday. qayyum dah start balik kolej. bean kerja. kawan, hmm. aint got no kawan here. so, im a bit stress. stress because tak buat apa apa. pagi petang malam asyik tgk muka bibik. parents pula, malam baru nampak bayang. grr, im so freakin lonely ! this holiday, didnt go as well as it should be. god, it stressing me out.

kita pun nak marah mcm awak D:

ni jadinya kalau lelaki tamak. selalu lebihkan ego sendiri daripada pikirkan perasaan orang yang dia sayang. dia pikir semua decision yang dia buat tu betul. so, kalau dah rasa betul, kenapa sekarang ni dia serabut. tak boleh selfish laah. dah kau happy, kasi lah orang lain chance happy juga. sekarang ni nadh dah happy dengan bean. pastu baru sekarang kau nak tepek aku maki aku apa bagai. come on lah. kita dah history kot. sedar sikit. aku pun tak ambik port pasal kau. takkan pasal baju pun kau nak marah besar. chill sudah. kau panggil aku pelacur apa bagai, aku still boleh buat cool lagi. kau tau kenapa ? sebab aku takkan buang masa nak mengamuk benda bullshit mcm ni. aku tau sape diri aku lah. tak perlu nak mengamuk sakan. kau nak jumpa aku ? haha, kenapa sekarang ? kenapa tak dulu before kau kantoi dgn aku pasal betina kau yang bersepah tu ? kau nak kata aku mulut puaka ? okay. mulut puaka pun boleh :) ye laah, kau je yang baik kalah malaikat kan. aku je yang jahat kaan ? jahat jahat aku, aku tak tidur dengan betina lain. aku sedar diri aku ni siapa. kau kata kau didik aku ? haha. iye lah. kau didik aku jadi bitch . sekarang ni kau patut bersyukur kau dapat awek yang alim :) so that dia boleh didik kau juga. insyaallah.

to little too late boy. im sorry.

so boy, this is for you. things change now. i make my own flow now. and i took bean along with me. i hope you understand. you cant touch me now.

MONDAY 6.6.2011, 1.15 A.M

today was the happiest day of my life. bean asked me to be his princess. bean, dia actly kawan apis. goodfriend actly. mula2 rasa susah nak couple cos, we both pikir about apis feeling. and then i asked him to call apis. at first, he didnt want too. cos takut. i ingat we'll never be together. but then, he has guts to call him. guna my phone. and then apis angkat. like this convo diaorng :

BEAN : apis, serious aku nak cakap something. tapi jgn marah.
APIS : apa ?
BEAN : aku suka kat ex kau.
APIS : sape ?
BEAN : alahh, nadh.
APIS : *silent moment* kau biar betul. nadh ? nadh aku ?
BEAN : ha ah. nadh. *he looked at me*
APIS : kau jgn buat kelakar.
BEAN : aku serious doh. aku suka kat dia.

BLAH BLAH BLAAAAAH........................................

BEAN : kau okay tak ni apis ?
APIS : hmm, aku okay je. just, kau jaga je lah dia elok2. lagipun aku dah letgo dia kan.
BEAN : bukan apa apis. aku pikir kawan. aku nak kau okay.
APIS : yeah. aku okay.

NADH MASUK :

NADH : apis, nadh ni. hmm, hopefully you boleh accept kalau bean dgn i. i like him apis. he make me smile again.
APIS : hmm, seriously its your decision.
NADH : yeah. and i love him. its not fair kalau you je boleh happy apis. since you tinggal i, i hari2 sedih. but now i dah ada bean. please kasi i happy okay apis. tak fair kalau you happy and i tak.
APIS : i still love you nadh. kalau you nak tahu, hari2 i stalk fb you. i sayang kat you. but i guess, i should stop that.
NADH : yeah you should apis, cos you know why, the time that you kantoi dgn i kat NZ haritu, that was the last time ILOVEYOU. im sorry. i dah buang our history. i dah move on even though it takes a lot of time.
APIS : i know. im sorry too for everything. well, congrats both of you. please jaga bean.
NADH : i will. dont worry.

so yeah. apis was to little too late. if dia tak pentingkan ego dia dulu, well maybe JUST maybe, we still together. but seriously, i never regret anything. .

angrybirds become angrynadh

okay, there i was having my beauty sleep and sudden GEDEGANGGGG pintu bilik terbuka. it was mama. she's looking for her phone. and she asked me. lol, where the hell i know mana you letak phone mama. god ! and then she yelled at me, ' dah pukul berapa dah ni? bangun bangun' arggggh. i cant sleep for two days laah. please lah faham. but she didnt -.- she took my precious selimut and ask me to get up. okaaay, so i went downstairs, dengar baba membebel about cars. he's otp with his friend. i know they talking about cars. baba decide to buy a new car for mama. damn ! you oledyy have 4 cars. nak sampai 5 buat apa ? rather than you buy 5 cars, why dont you beli banglo sebijik ?! lagipuas hati semua orang kaan ? grr, dengan bb tak boleh on because i forgot where the hell i put my charger. okay, this morning arent going smoothly as i thought. grr. so, qayyum decide to go to danau tonight because ammar was like paksa2 sebab semalam cannot go because aint got no parking. padahal dah ronda ronda for almost 40 minutes cari parking SAHAJA -.- so, please make my daaay okay

it shouldn't happen but it happened

so yeah. i don't know whether i was drunk that time or what. i know i shouldn't have this feeling. super duper major shouldn't! but i cant help it. if i do, i would, but i cant. and i fight so that this feeling can be untrue, but it weren't. like, am i wrong ? am i wrong for having this feeling towards him ? i cant stuck like this anymore. this THING had bugging me for a few days for god sake ! i cant hide this feeling anymore. seriously i cant. im sure this time, its not a 5 minutes crush like before. i know it's different. seriously, am i wrong for having this love feeling towards my exBOYFRIEND friend ? i know it sounds super awkward. but yeah, this is the dilemma i've gone through.

we hang a lot lately. but not on purpose. we were like, teman kawan berdating and last last, i get caught by his dull eyes. i dont usually like this because i will never fall in love with a guy like him. for a certain reason. but who am i to bangggg the fate that has written in my life ? im a human too. seriously, everytime i look at him, im so breathless. and for the first time, i dont feel awkward when i talked to him. and i had a huge smile affixed at my face every single damn word we talked. and i haven't felt this for a long time.

but there are a bunch of problem. firstly, he is my exboyfriend friend. they were so close. and im afraid that if i being selfish, it will ruin their friendship. but if i dont stand up for myself, i would loss something that should be mine. and now, im so freakin confuse. i dont want to gamble away my future. and secondly, i was unsure that he had a same feeling towards me. you knowww, i cant force people to like me. yet again, he knows that im a exgirlfriend of his friend for almost two years. so he must been thinking about this like 1000x2 times even though he likes me.*example*

and now, im gonna stuck on this madness until i found a solution. for now, im gonna pretend like nothing happen even though my friends always make fun of us. so, insyaallah, i have a strength to control my feeling towards him. hopefully i wont ended heart broken like before. i know, some of you guys wondering who he was and some of you already know. so, let it be okay.

i have guts to write this because i know, he will never ever read it because he hasss no facebook and others sosial network. so, i think im save. i guess. hopefully. gosh. my life been turn upside down because of him. dammet !

can you be my one less lonely boy ?

seriously nadh banyak gila crush kat orang now, haha. sumpah mcm bodoh gila. no wonder i still not in relationship xD so yeaaah. sometime when i go to mall, i get a bit chicky bila nampak couples lalu lalang, haha. like, damn, even orang %^&*%%4 pun ada boyfriend, haha. no offense okay.

* i just keep wondering, am i wrong if i had a hug crush on my EXBOYFRIEND bestfriend ? like, tak salahkan ? aslong i dont get back with my ex, LOL :D

the best letter ever written

Dear Claire,

“What” and “If” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don’t know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it’s never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don’t know what a love like Juliet’s feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I’d like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.

All my love, Juliet.