Friday, June 3, 2011

it shouldn't happen but it happened

so yeah. i don't know whether i was drunk that time or what. i know i shouldn't have this feeling. super duper major shouldn't! but i cant help it. if i do, i would, but i cant. and i fight so that this feeling can be untrue, but it weren't. like, am i wrong ? am i wrong for having this feeling towards him ? i cant stuck like this anymore. this THING had bugging me for a few days for god sake ! i cant hide this feeling anymore. seriously i cant. im sure this time, its not a 5 minutes crush like before. i know it's different. seriously, am i wrong for having this love feeling towards my exBOYFRIEND friend ? i know it sounds super awkward. but yeah, this is the dilemma i've gone through.

we hang a lot lately. but not on purpose. we were like, teman kawan berdating and last last, i get caught by his dull eyes. i dont usually like this because i will never fall in love with a guy like him. for a certain reason. but who am i to bangggg the fate that has written in my life ? im a human too. seriously, everytime i look at him, im so breathless. and for the first time, i dont feel awkward when i talked to him. and i had a huge smile affixed at my face every single damn word we talked. and i haven't felt this for a long time.

but there are a bunch of problem. firstly, he is my exboyfriend friend. they were so close. and im afraid that if i being selfish, it will ruin their friendship. but if i dont stand up for myself, i would loss something that should be mine. and now, im so freakin confuse. i dont want to gamble away my future. and secondly, i was unsure that he had a same feeling towards me. you knowww, i cant force people to like me. yet again, he knows that im a exgirlfriend of his friend for almost two years. so he must been thinking about this like 1000x2 times even though he likes me.*example*

and now, im gonna stuck on this madness until i found a solution. for now, im gonna pretend like nothing happen even though my friends always make fun of us. so, insyaallah, i have a strength to control my feeling towards him. hopefully i wont ended heart broken like before. i know, some of you guys wondering who he was and some of you already know. so, let it be okay.

i have guts to write this because i know, he will never ever read it because he hasss no facebook and others sosial network. so, i think im save. i guess. hopefully. gosh. my life been turn upside down because of him. dammet !

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